We’ve waxed and waned about whether to share the exploits of this particularly abrasive Tool for some time now. Initially, we didn’t think he could ever amount to “Tool Box” material. But who are we kidding, you are all fair game. Every. Single. One. Of. You.
We should also note that this story is going to require one extra precaution…out of all the men we’ve encountered THIS Tool is the lone ranger – hands down, he is the only Tool that has ever showed any protest to having his exploits splashed across the inter-web. To be honest, most men find our tales hysterical and actually WANT to be in the blog. Others have gone so far as to comment on the story posted about themselves! Either that, or they come to terms with their moronic ways and know fully well why they are being ratted out.
But back to the precautionary measures. We are not going to reveal who this story rightfully belongs too…Stella or Bella? B or S? Our lips are sealed…well sort of. We will still share this candidate’s toolish ways in their entirety. His lies. His slimy behavior…all the facts of the following story are 100% true. However, in the interest of discretion (and so that a certain unnamed individual can’t pursue us for “slander”) the remainder of this Tool Box installment will be from a single perspective…and like I said, my lips are sealed…
Ladies: Myth #1. Office romances only work out on TV. Don’t fool yourself into thinking that whatever fling you’re having with the cute new hire will play out like Jim and Pam at Dunder Mifflin. Sure they’ve had their ups and downs throughout the numerous seasons of The Office, but in the end they get married, have a baby and are happily by each other’s side. BS. Reality paints quite a different picture.
This installment of the Tool Box takes place in the summer (as an additional precaution, we’re omitting the year). Enter In: Cute new guy, justly dubbed Office Tool (OT). As the newbie in the office, he was trying to make a good impression with everyone, helping out where ever he could. OT and I didn’t have a lot of 1-on-1 contact, but I did look forward to the occasional hallway and kitchen interactions. It’s always nice to catch a sideways glance and notice a new, attractive guy checking you out. Every girl needs a slight ego boost every now and then, right? Now Office Tool wasn’t jaw-droppingly hot, and he definitely didn’t jump off the pages of GQ, but he was decent. What he lacked in the looks and physique department, he definitely made up for in wit, charm and general sass. Needless to say, I was intrigued.
Casual flirting led to casual dating, which eventually led to…you guessed it, casual sleepovers…Ladies: Myth #2. “No Strings Attached,” casual dating is nonsense. It doesn’t work. Let’s face it. We’re women and when there are strong, intimate emotions involved, we GET ATTACHED. You’re down right delusional if you believe otherwise. Been there, tried that.
After a couple months of casual dating I was feeling like things were progressing well with OT. We both decided that we needed “something light” because we both had our own baggage. Mine was primarily based on past relationships…and well, let’s just say that his required day care and came with a legal obligation of 18 years. Regardless of our baggage, one thing was made perfectly clear – We were NOT going to tell anyone in our office that we were dating. Sometimes I think the office gossip mill is worse than it was in high school…news spreads like wildfire.
So we kept things discreet. OT and I went on dates, he was flirty, affectionate and we were slowly spending more and more time together. I used to get downright giddy when we’d cross paths in the office because I knew that he would be sending me a flirty text or email moments later…Office Tool was sweet and really seemed to know how to treat a girl. I felt like he was someone I could trust and I let him through walls that most guys don’t make it past.
Now I’m not sure how to describe the progression exactly, other than to say that after things passed a certain level of “seriousness,” a switch flipped. Suddenly there was a barrier that hadn’t been there before. OT became very distant, leaving me utterly confused. I tried to confront him about it with no avail. I will admit that I made one tinsy error here – I managed to get myself so worked up over the situation with Office Tool that I ended up confiding in a co-worker. I mean come on, I neeeeeeded to vent to someone! I tried to cover my bases by having said co-worker promise up and down that she wouldn’t tell my secret. I trusted her. Unfortunately, I did come clean to OT about my confession to said co-worker. Sheesh. He was not happy. OT ranted and raved about how he needed to keep his personal and professional lives separate. He was new to the office and didn’t need to attract any undue attention. At this point, we’d been carrying on with this office tryst for about 3 months…Where is this going? What does he want out of this? Is he being distant because he’s seeing someone else?...All of these were questions incessantly floating around in my head. Gents, I’m sure (or rather, I hope) you can relate to these on some level. Ladies, I KNOW you’ve been there too.
After a week or so of no word from Office Tool, we finally had “the talk.” To sum up his load of BS, he explained that he wasn’t in the “right place” to have a girl friend because he had too much going on in his life and needed time to focus. Blah blah blah. The cherry on top (I’ll paraphrase here) –You’re a great girl, really sexy and mature for your age…but you’re too young to understand my baggage. What a load of bull…I’m in my early twenties and while I won’t pin-point his age exactly, I will say that he was a few years my senior. But let’s be real, the dude’s under 30 (my cut-off). I was dumbfounded. I couldn’t believe it. Just goes to show you that even the older ones, with graduate degrees are still fit for our Tool Box!
Yes, my feelings were hurt. Yes, I felt used. I’m a firm believer that life continually provides you with situations to learn from. Growth from those experiences is the most important thing you can take away. My motto: Always forgive, never forget. I did my best to avoid Office Tool over the next few months. Even though he started out as a temporary hire, he had managed to weasel his way into a full-time gig…Great news for me. He wasn’t going anywhere, anytime soon.
Fast forward to the Holidays. No sooner did I finally manage to get OT out my hair and off my mind…he decides to pop back into the picture. Sending me messages to the effect of, “You looked great today, btw;” “I kept thinking about your hot shoes…couldn’t really focus”…and after a few days of flirty exchanges and making plans to grab drinks, this happened:
Office Tool: Hey, I’m not sure we should go out later.
Me: Ok, why’s that?
Office Tool: I’ll be honest, part of my motivation is because I couldn’t stop thinking about how nice it would be to be with you again…I was hoping you could stay the night, so if you want to it would be great, but if not then we shouldn’t drink together…but I’d love to have you over if you can…
J. Christ! Ladies: Take note and read through the lines. The above is a polite (albeit stupid) way of a guy asking for a booty call. I’m not one to judge – to each their own, but this girl does not do booty calls. No dice.
I made it CRYSTAL
To summarize, hindsight is 20/20…things simply repeated and I should have seen it coming. OT was amazingly affectionate and I was falling for him, once again. All the old feelings came back and I had a glimmer of hope that things might be different this time…yeah, right. Just like before, he coiled back with the same old excuse – He wasn’t in the right place to be dating anyone. Baloney. Hurting me once, shame on you. Allowing myself to fall for it twice, shame on me. I guess, we’ll chalk it up to another one of those life lessons…ugh.
Fast forward through the Holidays and into the New Year. Things were going great…with work, with friends. Oh heck, with life in general. I was finally feeling over OT, despite my inexplicable attraction to him. And then, it hit me. Like a freakin’ Mac Truck. My co-worker mentioned that Office Tool’s sexcapades were the hot new piece of gossip floating around the office….OT was dating someone else…IN THE OFFICE! What? Who? When? How???? A thousand thoughts came rushing into my head, along with an unpleasant sinking feeling in my stomach. My heart raced and my head whirled. How could he do this? What is he thiiiiiiinking?! Not only had OT sparked a new inter-office flame, but to make matters worse his victim was new to office as well. This poor girl didn’t have a clue what she was in for.
To be honest, I couldn’t care less about who Office Tool does or does not sleep with. Like I said before, to each their own. He could sleep with the whole damn office if it pleases him. My point of contention is with the fact that he feels it necessary to flaunt his conquests (myself included) to other people…WHERE I WORK! Excuse me, but whatever happened to wanting to maintain professionalism? Needing to keep personal and professional life separate?? Until this point, I’ve kept my mouth shut. Sitting idly by and watching him make a fool of himself. For shame.
Moral of the Story: OT, have some tact. It’s poor judgment to use the office as your social watering hole. You have a personal life, and a professional life…they are separate for a reason. Do yourself a favor and keep it that way.
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