Diving into more recent adventures of dating, I’ve added to my repertoire of tools that have been so outlandish that they made the tool box of shame (aka this blog you are reading). Funny thing about these two that makes them stand out is that they both knew that my roommate and I were writing a blog on the uncanny events that followed dating tools in Seattle. Both guys were concerned that a new blog would surface about them. Well, that dream (or I guess I should say nightmare) of them being called out in a blog is about to come true! If either of you are reading this, rightfully so, you obviously were concerned about this for a reason. Funny how some tools are completely aware of their behaviors and how they treat (or mistreat) women, and will proceed to behave totally inappropriately toward the person that they are dating. These two didn’t stand a chance against avoiding a blog story! Anyways, let us move on to the first tool…
This story, as the majority of them begin, starts with Bella and me going out on a Friday night after a long work week. This night was atypical because we were venturing over to the eastside (Bellevue) and going to a comedy show at the Parlor with our friend Milton. We got there, picked up our free tickets (as mentioned previously, we have lots of connections) and proceeded to take our seats. The show was hilarious, either that or we were enjoying our Cosmo buzzes a little too much. Either way, it was only 11pm when the show ended and we decided to hit up a new spot called Munch Bar located on the edge of the Bellevue Square Mall. I will say that if you are looking for a place in the Seattle area that replicates the people and clubs featured on ‘Jersey Shore,’ you need to check this place out! I have never seen so many Guidos flock to one location in the Seattle area and I’ve lived in the city for the past two years. It was as if they were taking over and apparently they all had a thing for this new bar. I always make an effort not to talk, acknowledge, or dance with any men that I meet in bars/clubs. B and I have done a great job avoiding such men by dancing with each other and motioning for them to leave us be. This night was not going to be an exception until I was approached out of nowhere by a very tall gentleman, let’s call him sneaker tool (ST for short). How did he acquire this name? Well, although he was wearing designer jeans (True Religion) a V-neck shirt (probably Armani), and was extremely clean cut, he was wearing New Balance sneakers in a club. Who does that!?! Yes, I am extremely observant and definitely have an eye for little details, not to mention a small shoe fetish. J
This guy already had his initial introduction planned for how to strike up a conversation with me and get my attention away from all the other guys. He approached me while I was dancing with B and Milton and said “Hey, do I know you, you look really familiar…” Like I haven’t heard that one before!?! That is probably the easiest, non-original pick-up line to bust out in any social situation to get a girl’s attention. I wasn’t having it. I replied “No, I don’t think I know you.” Then this guy continued to converse with me for the next half an hour or so asking me a million questions about myself and actually taking note and actively listening to what I had to say. It was, in a way, refreshing. I was about to leave with B and Milton when he came up close to me and asked if he could take me out on a date this week. In all the guys that I have talked to in clubs/bars you name it, I have never once been formally asked out. I had to give this guy the benefit of the doubt. That was mistake number one, but I’ll continue the story none the less.
Surprisingly, Sneaker Tool followed through and took me out to an upscale, Tom Douglas Restaurant called Lola downtown. The food and conversation were pronounced! This initial date had lessened my skepticism of ST and I really enjoyed spending time with him. He was very personable and in many ways super nerdy, but don’t get me wrong, I often find that attractive. So far so good, no reason for me to even question whether this guy was going to be a tool or not. Again, how wrong I was…
We continued seeing each other on at least a weekly basis over the next month. Going out on dates and spending quite a bit of time together. However, being as vigilant as I am, I noticed that there were a few things array. Maybe I should have noticed these a bit sooner than a month out. Ladies, if a guy ever does either of these things, he’s not looking to get serious with anyone anytime soon and more than likely, he is a tool! Numero uno, the only time we went out on dates was Sunday through Thursday. Aside from when I met him on a Friday night at Munch Bar, we never spent time together on Friday or Saturday during the day or at night. Numerofav. spot). As for the second item, this guy was off the wall strange, I’ll give him that, he said he always had to have his own sleeping space and that he had to get up super early for work. ST made this excuse, but also had his own sneaky, clever way of asking me over for a booty call late one night. Just an FYI, I do not respond to any texts/calls/invites over to a guy’s place past 10pm and he was not going to be an exception. The text that I received word for word was
ST: “Hey, what are you doing? I’m really scared right now!”
S: “Really, what is going on? Is everything alright?”
ST: “I’m just scared of being alone right now.”
S: “Why is that? Are you at your place?”
ST: “Yes, I’m lying in bed right now really scared!”
S: “What is it that is scaring you?”
ST: “I think there are monsters under the bed and I need someone to cuddle with J”
S: “Seriously, that is not going to work. Very creative, but I don’t respond to booty texts. Goodnight!”
End of Conversation/End of Dating ST
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