Palm Reading and Pole Dancing Tool (yes, this man encompasses both traits!):
As you will soon find out, this story begins the way A LOT of our stories do…a Friday night out with the girls. It was fall of 2008 and after a long week of classes and working, what’s better than throwing back a tasty pre-funking cocktail, getting glam and rounding the troops for a night on the town?!? Answer: Nothing. A ladies night is just what the doctor ordered to remedy the stress of a hectic schedule...especially when you’re 21 – Let’s face it. It’s good for the soul.
In our humble opinion there is nothing quite like the Friday night scene inFremont
As mentioned previously, this was a ladies night and as such we had already consumed a couple of tasty cocktails (by tasty we mean some concoction of vodka and low cal mixer – whatever happened to be stashed in the fridge at the time) before dialing up Yellow Cab and departing for our destination. When we walked into the bar we were pleased to see that the place wasn’t too crazy or crowded at that moment which was excellent because it didn’t reek of cheap PBR, you could grab a drink relatively quickly, and have a conversation without screaming at each other. This laid the perfect scene for Palm Reading Tool to approach us after grabbing our first round of drinks. You might be wondering – “How did he earn the title Palm Reading Tool?” Just doesn’t seem fitting for the Ballroom scene, does it? No, he wasn’t some far-out hippie nor was he a superstitious hipster that smoked a ton of pot. Actually, quite the contrary, this gorgeous man morsel was tall, dark and handsome…delish. It was as if this guy came out of the shadows, literally appearing out of nowhere! Palm Reading Tool walked with confidence as he approached us. Making small chat, he playfully palmed S’s hand (he had a very gentle touch) and said something to the effect of, “Excuse me, I was wondering if I could give you a palm reading?” S agreed, and this is what led to Palm Reading Tool sputtering a series of subtle pick-up lines that he had ready and waiting.
Now, in maintaining the busy schedules that we do, neither of us have much time to waste watching cable, let alone extended cable. It wasn’t until about a week later, when B had a moment free from her busy schedule that she sat down to watch TV and flipped to a VH1 reality show (fittingly dubbed) “The Pick-Up Artist.” It was at that moment that Palm Reading Tool’s unoriginal tactics were unveiled. B was shocked and immediately called S to relay the news. Palm Reading Tool was smart though,Fremont
As you will soon find out, this story begins the way A LOT of our stories do…a Friday night out with the girls. It was fall of 2008 and after a long week of classes and working, what’s better than throwing back a tasty pre-funking cocktail, getting glam and rounding the troops for a night on the town?!? Answer: Nothing. A ladies night is just what the doctor ordered to remedy the stress of a hectic schedule...especially when you’re 21 – Let’s face it. It’s good for the soul.
In our humble opinion there is nothing quite like the Friday night scene in
As mentioned previously, this was a ladies night and as such we had already consumed a couple of tasty cocktails (by tasty we mean some concoction of vodka and low cal mixer – whatever happened to be stashed in the fridge at the time) before dialing up Yellow Cab and departing for our destination. When we walked into the bar we were pleased to see that the place wasn’t too crazy or crowded at that moment which was excellent because it didn’t reek of cheap PBR, you could grab a drink relatively quickly, and have a conversation without screaming at each other. This laid the perfect scene for Palm Reading Tool to approach us after grabbing our first round of drinks. You might be wondering – “How did he earn the title Palm Reading Tool?” Just doesn’t seem fitting for the Ballroom scene, does it? No, he wasn’t some far-out hippie nor was he a superstitious hipster that smoked a ton of pot. Actually, quite the contrary, this gorgeous man morsel was tall, dark and handsome…delish. It was as if this guy came out of the shadows, literally appearing out of nowhere! Palm Reading Tool walked with confidence as he approached us. Making small chat, he playfully palmed S’s hand (he had a very gentle touch) and said something to the effect of, “Excuse me, I was wondering if I could give you a palm reading?” S agreed, and this is what led to Palm Reading Tool sputtering a series of subtle pick-up lines that he had ready and waiting.
Now, in maintaining the busy schedules that we do, neither of us have much time to waste watching cable, let alone extended cable. It wasn’t until about a week later, when B had a moment free from her busy schedule that she sat down to watch TV and flipped to a VH1 reality show (fittingly dubbed) “The Pick-Up Artist.” It was at that moment that Palm Reading Tool’s unoriginal tactics were unveiled. B was shocked and immediately called S to relay the news. Palm Reading Tool was smart though,
Fast forward 9 months – July 2009. It was a Thursday night. Our friend Sam **remember all names are changed in an attempt to preserve identities** was gathering the girls for one last hurrah before he jetted off to Spain for a 3-month study abroad program. Anticipating how expensive his travels were going to be, Sam did what any savvy gay man would do…he entered the weekly pole dancing contest at the one and only R Place on Capitol Hill. Hosted by a drag queen and judged by audience applause (hence why Sam recruited all the estrogen he could)…the winning dancer receives $200 cash.
Sam needed to muster up the ol’ liquid courage in order to climb that pole and do his thang…so we were all about 3 cosmos deep (gay club, enough said) by the time the contest actually started. For a Thursday night, the place was completely pretty packed…the pole is a BIG attraction. Maybe it was the vodka flowing through his system or the fact that he had 20 lady friends cheering him on, all we know is that when that Tina Turner drag queen called him up to the platform, Sam shook what his mama gave him and let the sexy beats of Lady Gaga guide his slender body around that pole. He put on an impressive performance. Based on the sheer force of estrogen supporting him (multiple cosmos + 20 females = LOUD), there was no doubt in our minds that he had clenched the win.
Yep. We were two happy ladies. Healthy buzz flowing from those tangy cosmos and enjoying our front row view of the show as each of the proceeding contestants worked that pole. We were both completely oblivious to the foolery that was about to unfold…and then it happened. Drag Queen: “Contestant #6 *pause for dramatic effect* (Palm Reading Tool’s Name)!!!” Three things happened simultaneously: S grabbed B’s arm, our heads turned towards each other with JAWS DROPPED and out struts Palm Reading Tool in all his gorgeousness, scantily clad in a metallic blue and red Speedo that would put the American flag to shame! We couldn’t believe it! But it sure did clear up a lot of S’s confusion.
Palm Reading Tool dominated that pole and easily put on one of the best shows we have ever had the privilege to see. That Tool hung upside down from the rafters…and was well hung, if you know what we mean…but despite having, hands down the best performance, Palm Reading Tool was out danced by Sam and his cheer section. Too bad, so sad. To top it off, S approached Pole Dancing Tool after his debut (yes, this is where the transition from Palm Reading Tool to Pole Dancing Tool happened) and asked if this was what he had to “deal with” 9 months ago. He smirked at S and said in his low, sexy voice that would bring any girl or gay man to their knees “Sweetie, you know as well as I do that I am 100% straight.” Um….right, that’s why you are at a gay club, dressed in a sparkly Speedo, hanging off the rafters for money. TOTALLY makes sense….right!?
Moral of the Story: Ladies, never date guys who own Speedos that are bright and sparkly!
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